Cannabis Strain Descriptions
These five sought-after cannabis strains were the “showcase pieces” for a newly opened dispensary in a state where recreational cannabis is legal. The pitch was straightforward—I’ve written extensively for the cannabis industry, have been in plenty of dispensaries, and know cannabis enthusiasts of every stripe. Readers in this audience expect a certain irreverence and attitude, which is a marked departure from my usual style. I include it here to further showcase my versatility.
Ice Cream Cake
Indica-dominant hybrid (75% Indica, 25% Sativa)
Typical THC levels: 20% – 25%
Terpene Profile: Limonene: 0.839% | Beta Caryophyllene: 0.719% | Linalool:0.256%
This strain is not commonly seen in the wild and, until recently, was hard to find outside its native Netherlands. Developed by a Dutch grower under the nom de guerre “Seed Junky Genetics,” the Ice Cream Cake strain was created by crossbreeding Gelato 33 and Wedding Cake strains.
It captures the qualities of both parents: a high THC level and taste characteristics described as sweet and creamy with a vanilla-like bloom. When properly cured, Ice Cream Cake strain buds present a mix of light and dark green hues with accenting shades of purple, bright copper pistils, and an even frosting of diamond-bright trichomes.
Its effects range from a deep, relaxing body high resulting in heavy couchlock. It’s known to calm negativity and anxious thoughts, with a mood-lifting come-up resulting in a cheerful optimism that lasts for hours. While good for nausea, this strain’s ability to stimulate the appetite will have you looking for snacks (if you can get off the couch).
THC levels typically fall between 20-25%, and its terpene profile favors limonene, a known mood elevator and anxiolytic (or anxiety-reducing) terpene. This makes this strain an excellent choice for stress relief.
Plug brief: This strain has excellent bag appeal when trimmed and cured correctly and tight, dense buds that are heavier than they look. You may want to inform your customers of this prior to purchase to avoid any confusion about underweight parcels. Due to the relative rarity of this strain, it is commonly offered for sale at a slight markup from whatever your baseline bud offering might be, say a 30-35% price increase. For the same reason, you may wish to package well-presenting flower in 3.5g eighths or 7g quarters with an accompanying price bump and only offer heavier parcels and weight discounts to your best customers.
Biscotti
Indica dominant hybrid (80% Indica, 20% Sativa)
Typical THC levels: 25% – 30%
Terpene Profile: Exact levels unavailable; known terpenes in order of concentration are Beta-Caryophyllene, Humulene, Valencene, Linalool, and Myrcene
This rare Indica-dominant hybrid was created by a three-way cross of Gelato #25, South Florida OG, and Girl Scout Cookies strains. Created by the renowned Cookies Fam cultivators, it combines the best features of its award-winning parentage, resulting in a premium strain that will typically be hard to find. A heavy hitter with potent stress relief and relaxation effects, it is sought after by medical cannabis users and recreational enthusiasts alike.
The flavor of this strain, which is reputed by many to be top tier—if not, in fact, legendary—recommends the use of a vaporizer set under 380 °F (194 °C) to capture every note and nuance.
A bit of a unicorn owing to its rarity and relatively recent creation, the Biscotti strain has yet to be reliably analyzed, and anecdotal reports are few in number. Samples range from 23% to 25%, with some phenotypes reportedly testing at a staggering 30% high. This strain is impressively—one might almost say brutally—potent and should be treated with respect. Novice users are advised to hit it and quit it, and even experienced tokers may wish to slow their roll with regard to heavy consumption.
Such a robust Indica-dominant strain is virtually guaranteed to produce significant “in da couch” effects, and Biscotti is known to provide profound mind and body relaxation. The impact of its Sativa great-great-grandmothers is still present, as there is sufficient cerebral stimulation to produce a dreamy-but-lucid state of mind absent of confusion or fogginess.
Medical users suffering from chronic pain and inflammatory conditions find significant relief when consuming this strain, as strong interaction with both CB1 and CB2 receptors is evident, making this a good choice for those suffering from conditions such as arthritis, neuropathy, and lower back pain. Such a potent eraser of pain and anxiety lends itself well to alleviating insomnia or other sleep disorders.
Users who consume cannabis for mental health reasons find relief here as well. Biscotti is an excellent strain for those suffering from anxiety, depression, and PTSD. It may also benefit anyone suffering from a mood-dysregulating disorder (such as Bipolar 1). However, its potent dopaminergic effect indicates caution for anyone prone to hypomania or disordered thinking when sober.
Mac 1
Even mix hybrid (50% Indica, 50% Sativa)
Typical THC levels: 23% – 25%
Terpene Profile: Limonene 8.4mg/g | Linalool: 2.7 mg/g | Caryophyllene 2.5mg/g
Like a mid-career hip-hop artist, this strain is known by a couple of names. Starting life as Miracle Alien Cookies X1, its name quickly morphed into the more concise Mac 1. Mellow and perfectly balanced, this 50/50 hybrid promptly earned a reputation as a take-no-prisoners hard-hitting badass. Regardless of the name, if you get near this strain, you’re in the presence of greatness, and there’s a solid chance this will quickly become your main jam—if you can find it.
This even-handed strain, developed by San Leandro’s celebrated Dark Heart Nursery, rocks a flavor heavily reminiscent of the iconic Sour Diesel but with high and spicy herbal overtones that finish with a sweet citrus note owing to its terpene profile. Call it weed if you must, but know that this strain is a bass-heavy Indica riding shotgun with a vintage fit-and-feel Sativa that creeps up on you like a 1950 Chevy Fleetline lowrider. This street fighter has a broad, rounded, dark olive coloring over a deep, rich purple basecoat and a lacey topcoat of bright, frosty orange.
Consuming this strain will get you super lifted and then balance you out when the Indica kicks in, a classic switch-hitting lowrider hydraulic bounce. Rising euphoria mellows into wide wheel-based happiness that cruises past depression, anxiety, and intrusive thoughts. The high 23-25% average THC level combined with 30.7% cannabinoid content makes this strain an excellent option for anyone suffering from chronic pain, insomnia, or nausea.
Slurricane
Indica dominant hybrid (60% Indica, 40% Sativa)
Typical THC levels: 20% – 28%
Terpene Profile: Limonene: 0.839% | Beta Caryophyllene: 0.719% | Linalool:0.256%
Slightly Indica-dominant, the Slurricane strain is the lovechild of Do-Si-Dos and Purple Punch. With those two famous names as parents, it’s no surprise that this weed has a candy-bright flavor of sugary berries and nuanced grape with a finishing hit that’s spicy and tropical on exhale. With THC levels worthy of a heavyweight, this weed hits hard and should be treated with respect.
As potent as it is sweet, Slurricane produces a relaxing body high that sits comfortably under a bright and bubbly euphoria. The Sativa effects creep up slowly, creating a tingling in the back of the head that soon gives way to a loved and lifted sense of well-being that gently pushes aside negative thoughts. That tingling spreads slowly down into the body like starlight and settles in comfortably with a gentle (but considerable) weight that can produce moderate couchlock.
As much as it improves the mood, it can make things a bit fuzzy, and you might find yourself getting your slur on before you know it.
Medical users suffering from fatigue or insomnia seek this out, as it can grant a deep and tranquil sleep. Its analgesic properties banish pain from migraines and more minor headaches, chronic pain of any description, muscle spasms, and cramps. It also provides lasting relief from anxiety and chronic stress and can alleviate some of the symptoms of PTSD, as well as provide relief from mood disorders or other temporary ill-tempers caused by transient tides.
With a tested high of 28% THC, even average potency Slurricane can ass you with a surprise nap that will leave you waking up hours later wondering where the time went—and how fast you can get Orange Chicken delivered.
Slurricane would make a good companion with that time-honored and toker-favorited dish, with spicy, earthy base notes mixed with a delightful blueberry top note that will have you smacking your lips. Though bong water may technically be herbal tea, this one is probably best enjoyed vaped.
Well-trimmed and cured buds of the Slurricane strain can resemble round, shaggy olives with bright violet undertones and a smattering of amber-colored pistils. Strains higher in THC will be well-frosted with bright white trichomes. Buds presented in this way have high bag appeal, which may result in your favorite plug asking a slightly higher than average price, as parting with this heirloom-quality flower must be a painful proposition.
Notably easy to cultivate, this strain is an excellent choice for beginner growers as well as more experienced horticulturists and can be grown equally well indoors and out. Growing for an average of nine weeks before flowering, indoor yields will be around fourteen to sixteen ounces per square meter—with an average yield of fifteen ounces, that puts Slurricane at a hilariously appropriate 420 g/m2. If you’re not above stress techniques, this longer-than-average growing time can be accordioned down a bit.
Grease Monkey
Indica dominant hybrid (70% Indica, 30% Sativa)
Typical THC levels: 25% – 27% | CBD: 1%
Terpene Profile: Myrcene: 0.31% | Caryophyllene: 0.23% | Limonene: 0.15%
Exotic Genetix sprung this one on an unsuspecting public, a hybrid of Gorilla Glue #4 and the fabled Cookies and Cream. This Indica-dominant hybrid is as sweet as it is strong, and while it will crush pain and anxiety with its sticky Kong strength, its simian grip will hold you securely in couchlock. All is not lost—the Sativa settles sweetly over you as you sit there, leaving your head buzzing and your thoughts chasing bright points of light in the evening skies. Fireflies? Stars? With an average THC level as high as 26%, it doesn’t matter.
The harmony of its parent strains is apparent in everything from its terpene profile to its flavor gradient, which starts out like a Nutella milkshake and mellows into a sweet-but-skunky diesel. The high takes a few minutes to build after consumption, making this one a creeper, which should be noted for any of the more novice smokers lucky enough to trap this slippery chimp. If you’re not careful, the building euphoria will Jenga down into a deep and slow-moving relaxation, producing a blissful mental state equal parts haze, daze, and tranquility.
The Grease Monkey strain is perfect for anyone seeking relief from chronic pain, nausea, insomnia, headaches or migraines, with mental health benefits as wide-reaching. While excellent for depression, it excels in banishing anxiety to someplace far away and barely remembered.
Budding green thumbs who might be wide-eyed at the prospect of growing this strain might need to back up off of it and set their cup down, as this one can be a challenge even for growers of intermediate skill. Its Sativa genetics make it run leggy, and the tall-and-taller plants will need near-constant pruning, which can go woefully awry if not performed well. Still, it offers superior resistance to molds, fungi, and even creepy crawly infestation.
If grown indoors, hopeful horticulturists should fit exit vents with carbon filters to snatch the powerful stank of these plants out of any exhaust air unless you want the neighborhood to know what you’re up to.